3 Tools for a Confidence Boost

Hey Awesome Ones!

In my practice and in my community, I hear quite a few people talk about their desire to feel more confident in themselves and their work. They want to understand their unique value and ultimately, feel their worth. And wow, do I get it.

Confidence (which has a closely related cousin called “worthiness”) is about the belief that we are good enough. Although self-confidence or worthiness can seem like an intangible concept, in a moment, I’ll give you a couple of tools to track of what you do well to create data points that boost your self-worth and confidence.

Our relationship with ourselves is by far the most important relationship that we’ll ever have and there are no 2 people who have have studied successful relationships more than Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They run the Gottman Institute here in Seattle and have been collecting data points on successful marriages for more than 40 years. In their research of studying more than 3,000(!) couples, they discovered a formula with which they can predict a successful marriage.  Their data says for every 1 piece of negative feedback we receive from our spouse, we must receive 5 pieces of positive feedback to stay in balance. Wow, our poor ego can be so tender. If 5:1 is the winning ratio for creating successful relationship with our spouse, how awesome could we be to ourselves if we tried even a 2:1 positive thought ratio?

To build up our self-confidence, we need to believe in ourselves and ultimately, our importance. For those of us who have deeply ingrained stories of unimportance or even failure, this may seem like an impossible ending or outcome. Luckily, if we can begin SLOWLY, by taking small, baby step accomplishments, we can create openings for new data points and new stories that quiet our inner critic and, in turn, build confidence. Here are 3 simple tools to boost your confidence with tiny baby steps.

  1. Start with little goals. Achieving small goals every day creates success momentum which spills over into all areas of life. For example: “One morning this week, I’m going to have a glass of water right when I wake up.” Or “Tomorrow, I’m going to take 5 minutes to take a walk instead of eating lunch at my desk again.” Each little win is an important piece of the success momentum puzzle.
  2. Create visual reminders of your recent success. Using a sticky note, jot down a recent success and post it on the mirror of your bathroom. As you brush your teeth each AM/PM you will be reminded, even if it is subconsciously, of your brave moments. IMPORTANT:  Be current and specific. “I was super brave when I had that hard conversation about feeling overwhelmed with my boss/partner/spouse.”  Or “I have no idea what I’m doing when I’m caring for my grandmother and I’m proud of myself for taking on that responsibility.” Or “I was so nervous that I was shaking when I did the presentation at work and I am really happy with how it went.” Or “I had a million reasons not to go for a walk today and I did it.” (If you need a bit more privacy because of shared space, just write a down a single word to remind you of the successful feeling.)
  3. Daily reflection. Before bed, spend as little as one minute writing down how you moved forward that day.  It can be simple things such as, “I paid that parking ticket I’ve been meaning to pay for a week now.”  or “I packed my lunch today and ate a little bit healthier.”

**Extra credit: Look for moments when you believe in your deepest self that you are worthy and enough. Because it’s true.

Have a great week guys!

XO times a million!

Jen


  •  
  •  
  •  

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Results happening

Catherine Carr - Vitamin C Creative
I accomplished more with Jen in just the first 3 sessions than I have with other coaches in 3 months. She did an outstanding job of helping me clarify priorities and break down big goals into concrete actions I could take now, not later. Jen refers to herself a bullsh*t-slayer, and it’s true—in an impressively efficient way, she helped me see how the stories I had been telling myself about the limits of my time, my talent, and my potential could be broken down and reframed. In a nutshell, Jen gets the mix of listening, asking, and giving candid feedback just right, so that each session was energizing, clarifying, and a clear step forward. If you’re ready to slay the BS and move your business forward, you need Jen in your corner.
Catherine Carr, Founder and Chief Inspiration Officer - Vitamin C Creative
Jen has helped me tremendously over the past 6 months. I have more clarity and focus on my business goals. Jen has taught me how to best structure my days which has increased my productivity and allowed me to grow my business. She is well connected and has suggested many great resources that are tremendously valuable. After our calls I have a new energy, Jen gives me the tools I need to be successful in my business. I appreciated Jen so much, she is a true bullshit slayer and I would recommend her as a business or life coach to anyone.
Tessa Lowe, Founder, Olo Organics
As a one-woman show, it's not like people knock down my door all day telling me I'm doing awesome at running my business...but Jen did. I'd send her a text celebrating a win, and she'd be more excited than I was! Not only was she amazingly supportive, she helped me flush out a solid marketing strategy. Perhaps best of all, she helped me to see the gold in my brand story, which we then placed smack in the middle of that strategy. As a result of working with Jen, my offerings are clearer, I know where to find my ideal clients, and I know exactly what to say for them to connect with me as someone they'd like to work with.
Rachel Paz. Relationship Readiness Coach for Women
I have been working with Jen for 2 years now and I have nothing but the best things to say about her! She keeps me accountable to my action steps and to-do lists every week. If I don't meet my deadlines or commitments, Jen sincerely wants to know how or why I didn't accomplish the task, but better yet, helps me come up with a game plan of how to improve during the next days/weeks. Plus I know she will call me out on my bulls*** excuses! If you are looking for a coach, mentor, or next speaker at your event, do not hesitate to hire Jen.
Deidra Murphy, Mrs. Washington 2017 & Personal Stylist
Working with Jen has been a game changer for me and my business! In less than three months, I've developed a new program for my clients, already implemented it and and have also found a lot of personal fulfillment and more balance through our work together. I cannot say enough good things about Jen!
Tiffany Gonzalez, Founder & CEO, Keep Me Connected
During our coaching sessions, Jen challenges me to think and act as an entrepreneur and stretch my comfort zone as an artist. I literally owe my self-confidence, as well as business success to her.
Mary Pat Collins, Owner, MP Collins Photography
Jen has done a tremendous job working with me to help me find my true self. Coming into it with an open mind, she's allowed me to be the best version of myself all the while helping me find the hidden nuggets of understanding that was always trapped inside me! The work that we've done together has helped me immeasurably for my professional and personal future!
Wayne Shiu, Director of Product Marketing, Simple
Working with Jen has been invaluable for both my career and also my personal life. Jen sees me as a whole human and pushes me to see myself that way as well. She helps me uncover solutions to the challenges I'm facing, and also nudges me forward towards my goals.
Sarah E, Lifecycle Marketing Manager
When I first met with Jen I really had no idea how to start my business. She took a good hard look at my work on my blog and gave me the confidence to just get out there and start doing interior design. We created a financial goal with marketing tactics and a deadline. I started out on the plan Jen helped me with, and ended up doubling the amount within my first two months! It was just such a great feeling. She really helped me to believe in myself and in what I already have going for me. Without Jen, I don't think I would have been brave enough to take that first step to just get out there and start talking to people about what I am doing.
Angie Harpole, Interior Designer, www.buildingstyle.co
Jen has a talent for helping you identify the specific areas that you want to address in your business or life and making a practical plan of action to accomplish your goals…faster.
Nikki Naab-Levy, Owner, Indigo Kinetics
Within the first few minutes of our session, Jen was able to answer so many questions about my business and marketing. She was also able to ask me questions that guided me to see what I needed to do next. She really helped me see the potential for what my business could become. She has so much understanding of marketing and was such a comforting listener, repeating back what I was saying in a way that helped me to really hear my own thinking. I left feeling clear, inspired, spacious and knew just what I needed to do next.
Theresa Harris, Owner, Thrive Art School
Oh Jen Hope. Where do I begin? As a 20-year software exec, I'm pretty set in my ways + have a realllly high bar for the people I collaborate with. Jen is, simply, the shit. She has a magical way of being able to (a) simultaneously call you out strategically when you're stuck in patterns or thinking too small, (b) dig down into the weeds of the execution details, AND (c) be completely in the moment--- including getting emotional with you when 'all the things' are stirred up because you care. So much. She cares too, people. And is whip smart with laser beam insight. I can't imagine a better person to have in my corner, as I'm creating what I consider my legacy. Work with her, now.
Rachel Ford, Founder of Souldust
Don’t Tell Me What To Do. 16 May 2019 Mind Mapping 7 Mar 2018 Recovering from perfectionism 4 Apr 2017

© 2018 B.S. Slayer | Design by EMcreative | Built by Big Picture Image | Photography: Erin Schedler Photography